


Obscurity

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Deceit Sanders Being a Jerk, Emotional Manipulation, Existential Crisis, Fear, I appreciate it, Insomnia, Introspection, Late at Night, Mind Manipulation, Moral Dilemmas, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Panic, Self-Esteem Issues, There's A Tag For That, Worry, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: “I always try to show Virgil love and support but lately…I feel like I always, inevitably do something wrong.”Virgil has started distancing himself from Patton. Because of that Patton suffers from some anxiety of his own, courtesy of Deceit.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	Obscurity

**Author's Note:**

> First: this is my first Sanders Sides fic so I'm sorry if it seems off in any way! ^^"  
> Second: I've sensed some growing tension between Virgil and Patton in the last few episodes, including Sanders Asides, and I'm in fear of what it might mean for their relationship so this is what resulted.

_“I always try to show Virgil love and support but lately…I feel like I always, inevitably do something wrong.”_

_“I can see how hard you try…and I think you’re doing a really great job.”_

It took everything Patton had to keep Thomas' words in mind. He clung to them, repeated them in his head more times than he could count—truly stuck in a loop—and yet the longer he did so, the emptier they seemed.

Patton wasn’t meant to be the anxious one. He wasn’t meant to be the one lying awake at night, stewing in his worries, and yet here he was, blinking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, biting his lower lip until a warning throb of pain and a tang of iron on his tongue put him in check.

 _That’s all the heart ever does, isn’t it? You get hurt. Oh, poor, pathetic Patton_.

This was like an endless game of hopscotch. Virgil would throw a stone into the court, make his expectations clear, and without fail Patton would stumble and cross another line. Even if it took a few good hops, he inevitably became an annoyance or a disappointment.

 _That’s what you’ve always been_.

He wasn’t blind to the way Virgil reacted to him lately: mouthy, derisive comments, eye-rolling, outright ignoring him, or quick jumps to the conclusion that Patton was patronizing him. Was he? Was he being too oppressive? What had changed? When had showing love and support become patronizing?

There had to be something wrong with the kind of love he was showing, but…it was the only kind he knew how to show.

 _Is it? No. It’s just the kind of love that’s_ easiest _for you. You can’t even put in the effort to adapt to Virgil’s needs. So lazy._

“Stop…Stop, please.” His voice, small and weak, was swallowed by the night like he had never spoken. His thoughts were too loud to speak over.

 _Virgil doesn’t want what you have to offer. How can he make that any clearer to you? You’re so stupid!_

As his chest tightened and the heat of his blankets became stifling, Patton gave his head a hurried shake. What was it Logan had suggested? “F-Five…Five things I can see. Ceiling…Lamp…”

 _The only reason you ever latched onto Virgil was because you thought he needed you. He doesn’t. Now that he’s pushing you away, you can’t accept that you’re useless. So selfish of you to force yourself and your “love” onto him_.

“S-Stars.” _Stop it, stop it, stop it! No panicking, no anxiety—Oh, gosh, no Anxiety, no Virgil, I’m gonna start pushing him away, no, no, no, no—_

 _He only puts up with you because he has to, because he wants to keep this life he has with the “good” Sides. He’s only ever reciprocated to placate you. He’s finally starting to understand how much of a chore you are_.

Patton floundered, his breath coming in shrill, ragged gasps. He had nothing else to add to his list of things he could see; tears were obscuring his vision.

 _You’ve known all along. Someone like you could never really be friends with someone like him. Look at that. You’ve been_ lying _to yourself again, telling yourself what you wanted to hear—and all at Virgil’s expense_.

“I d-don’t mean to! I want t-to be honest! I want—I—”

_If you’re lying to yourself, to Thomas, to Virgil, then you’re no better than I am, are you?_


End file.
